A 90 minute show about my life is airing on the Travel Channel. It is also available for streaming on Discovery+. Over the years, there have been a number of attempts to do documentaries like this, but this is the only really extensive one that has ever actually been released. To watch it on Discovery+, click here.
I have been involved from the beginning and the producers have made every effort to include me in the editorial process. In other words, working on this has been a good experience for me. It has also been concerning in some ways, moving in others. It has caused me to reflect on my life and what it has meant, both to me and those close to me, and to so many others.
The documentary begins with the awful terror that I felt at first. When I first consulted with Dr. Donald Klein, I was in a state of traumatic shock. Raw fear was just below the surface, and it came blasting out during the session. Prior to going to him, most of the details of what had happened to me had come back to mind. At the time, I thought that I’d been assaulted and drugged, as did he. Budd Hopkins was convinced that an alien abduction had occurred, but Dr. Klein and I were looking at it as a more conventional criminal act: somebody had assaulted me, either while wearing masks or somehow causing me to see them in a distorted way. He hoped to do what he had done so many times before in his practice, which was to obtain useful information that would lead to a successful criminal investigation.
In my opinion, what happened to me was and is a crime, but we did not obtain information that might lead to an arrest. Instead, I came away convinced that something quite strange had happened to me. To this day, I would not say that I’m sure that I was abducted by aliens. I suspect that both the skeptics and the believers have gotten this bizarre experience wrong.
It is not all due to hypnosis generating false memories. If you look through the letters in the Communion Letters archive in the Archives of the Impossible at Rice University, you will have to work hard to find any that even mention hypnosis. The reason is simple: whatever the experience is, it’s not generally an artifact of hypnosis. Similarly, you will not find anything like a photograph or lock of alien hair or bit of advanced technology that suggests that the memories derived from an encounter with aliens.
But SOMETHING happened, and not only to me, but to thousands and thousands of other people.
I think that the producers did a fine job of portraying both my terror and the gradual journey into the place where I live now, which is in an extraordinary–if often difficult and challenging–relationship with a presence that either does not wish to explain itself, or perhaps cannot.
The return to the cabin at the end of the shoot was a profound experience for me. Meeting the young couple who own it now was a real joy. It put closure on a very raw wound in my life. After all, it was basically being derided for admitting that I’d been raped that got all the bullying started on the television and elsewhere, and it was the fact that I had become a laughingstock that led to the plunge in my book sales and the loss of the cabin.
Experiencing a trauma that devastating and being made an international laughingstock for it is not an experience I would wish on Satan himself, frankly. But I had it and have it. I live it.
I am hoping that the documentary will reveal a few things: first, the experience is real, but also unknown; second, it is wrong to destroy people’s lives and reputations because they report it; third, it can be lived with successfully; fourth, serious study of the witnesses can help us gain some genuine insight into what it is.
Do watch the film. My heart and my blood are in it. To go to the Travel Channel page about it, click here.
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