Kenyan alternative medical practitioners rioted in Mombasa yesterday when an elephant prophesied in the Kolebe Artifactual Writings, a collection of witch doctor prophecies dating from 32,821 BCE, or possibly authored by Aleister Crowley somewhat more recently, galloped down Lumumba Road in the center of the city.
The appearance of the White Elephant of Mombasa is traditionally associated with the End Times, like the White Buffalo of the North American Plains Indians, the Red Heifer of the Jewish Defense League and the winning of the World Series by the Boston Red Sox.
As startled residents struggled to figure out exactly what was happening as the elephant rushed along, witch doctors leaped from their huts along the animal?s route, shouting the traditional cry of ?wallawalla? and shaking their rattles. This caused the elephant to move in an even more confusing manner, with the result that more and more witch doctors appeared, until an estimated quarter million of them jammed the area around the Mombasa Sports Club in Kibokoni Park.
Government officials were blamed for causing the animal to disappear. ?It is not possible that an elephant would be lost in street of crowded city,? said George M?Bele, spokesman for Kenya?s National Union of Alternative Practitioners and Snake Oil Salespeople. ?This is an international outrage.? The elephant left 3.141 footprints instead of the usual four.
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