NASA scientists announced yesterday that cracks have opened up in the moon, causing the leakage of millions of tons of methane gas trapped inside. As the process continues, surprised witnesses in polar regions, who see the moon from a slightly different angle than most viewers, are observing an unusual sight: the moon is getting flatter.

?Think of it as a slowly expiring beach ball,? said NASA scientist Dr. Tilford Eulenspeigel, ?or a tire that has seen better days.? Climatologists expressed concern that massive quantities of methane could reach earth?s atmosphere and contribute to global warming. ?Based on this finding,? affirmed White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, ?we now expect global warming to be a serious problem in the immediate future.?

Fossil evidence suggests that the moon has gone flat before, causing, among other things, continent-wide stampedes of large animals frightened by the loud hissing noise that is believed to accompany these events. ?We expect to actually begin to hear the hissing in about two weeks,? Eulenspiegel told ?It?s going to sound like a monster truck in the sky with all four tires going flat at once.?

From most vantage points on earth, nothing will seem to have changed, but the moon will actually be only a few feet thick. This condition will remain for ?around ten thousand years,? according to NASA, until the cracks are closed by dust and the moon gradually reinflates.

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