No, not the usual depressing ones about global warming, upcoming war and a bad economy. These are the kinds of signs that make the day brighter. Who knows if they’re real? Despite the recent worm that seems to have killed a great deal of e-mail, these managed to make it through. Keep reading?

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:”We’re #1 in the #2 business.”

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:”Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

At a Proctologist’s door:”To expedite your visit please back in.”

On a Plumber’s truck:”We repair what your husband fixed.”

On a Plumber’s truck:”Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

Pizza Shop Slogan:”7 days without pizza makes one weak.”

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:”Invite us to your next blowout.”

On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door:”Hello. Can we pick your nose?”

At a Towing company:”We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

On an Electrician’s truck:”Let us remove your shorts.”

In a Nonsmoking Area:”If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

On a Maternity Room door:”Push. Push. Push.”

At an Optometrist’s Office”If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a Taxidermist’s window:”We really know our stuff.”

In a Podiatrist’s office:”Time wounds all heels.”

On a Fence:”Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”

At a Car Dealership:”The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop:”No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:”Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At the Electric Company:”We would be delighted if you send in your payment.However, if you don’t, you will be.”

In a Restaurant window:”Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:”Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

At a Propane Filling Station:”Tank heaven for little grills.”

At a Chicago Radiator Shop:”Best place in town to take a leak.”

NOTE: This news story, previously published on our old site, will have any links removed.