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Texas governor Rick Perry today signed into law the entiretyof the Bible?s Book of Leviticus after it passed both housesof the legislature by more than two-thirds majorities.Meanwhile, Congressman Tom DeLay forced a mandatorykneel-down prayer meeting in the U.S. Congress to givethanks for this first enactment of Leviticus. The book isbeing incorporated into legislation in fourteen statesnationwide, and legislatures have been racing to see who canmake it law first.

Immediately after the signing, the Texas governor privatelyremoved and then publicly burned the cotton-polyesterleisure suit he had worn to the ceremony. It was replacedwith an all-polyester leisure suit.
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Famed late night chat-show host Art Bell has disappearedduring an expedition to Mel?s Hole, identified by the UnitedStates Geologic Survey as the deepest hole in the world.Bell?s long time associate, astrophysicist, geologist,planetologist and chef Richard C. Hoagland said that ahypersensitive listening device had been set up on the lipof the hole and had picked up ?statements of concern? for anhour and a half, followed by apparent attempts to utterphrases in Cantonese that ?gradually faded away.? In aseparate story, Chinese scientists announced a pressconference for Sunday at which they will offer proof thatUFOs come out of the ground.

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A robotic penis being tested at the government?s HumanAnalytics Facility in Orange County, California hasdisappeared. Officials said that the electrically poweredprosthetic has an internal guidance system, and may haveleft on its own after a power surge caused by a thunderstormmoving through the area deranged its onboard computer.

Lab director Dr. Michael Merkin said that he?s concerned forthe safety of anybody who stole the penis, or comes intocontact with it. ?This is a powerful device,? he said, ?andcould be very dangerous if it falls into unskilled hands.?
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