A man killed himself today. Although I’d only met him a couple of times, I think I know why he did it: He met up with the same "mild" Satanic figure that we did, but in his case, he couldn’t crawl out of the hole again.

Evil doesn’t always rampage–it doesn’t always call attention to itself in the dramatic style of the horrible villains of history, such as Adolf Hitler and Kim Jong-Il. Sometimes it tiptoes stealthily into the room.

This man joined a company started up by a movie producer who was a real charmer, promising everyone he was in business with big deals and sure riches. Whitley wasn’t too confident in his abilities, so when he signed a contract with him, he made sure that their corporation had a cut-off date if the guy did not get the financing he told everyone was immanent. When he didn’t make the deadline, the company automatically folded and the producer and his empty promises were whisked out of our lives.

But many people were bruised along the way, including a young would-be screenwriter who wrote and rewrote according to this man’s demands, before he finally realized that the demands didn’t cease because the would-be producer had no money to produce anything. He eventually left screenwriting and went into another profession, where he has become very successful, but I suspect he still keeps up his screenwriting in the few free hours he has.

This young man wasted his talent, but we just wasted a year of our time. However, time is precious when you’re a writer, and it was a definitely setback for us.

As well as a mild sort of evil, there is a mild sort of good as well. I’ve been a kind of angel to a few other people in my time. I’ve never dived into a roaring river to save a child, but I once helped an acquaintance change her life.

This was someone I’d known in the small high school I went to after my parents moved from a sophisticated college town to an isolated house in the country. After graduation, we were both young working girls, and she got a job as a telephone operator. She started calling me when she had a free moment and her supervisor wasn’t listening in.

She confided that she wanted to go to college and become an archeologist, but she didn’t see how in the world she was going to do it. I encouraged her, told her to take some courses. She did, and that’s where she met her future husband (who was one of her professors). I haven’t heard from her in many years, but I imagine she has children and grandchildren by now. Who knows?–She might even be an archeologist!

When you trip and fall in life, whether someone sticks their foot out in front of you or you just trip over a metaphorical tree root, you have no choice but to pick yourself up and start again. We’ve all done this countless times, and most of us expect to do it again in the future.

But sometimes you run into someone who takes everything from you, and makes it just too hard to keep going.

A man killed himself today. Although I’d only met him a couple of times, I think I know why he did it.

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  1. Thank you for your diary
    Thank you for your diary entry Anne. It’s beautiful, and I’m again, left hanging on your every word. I agree, that it’s quite horrific, when evil is sneaky, and not obvious—it can definitely catch one off-guard. I feel for the man that killed himself, and hope that I’m able to crawl out of every hole that I ever fall into, and you too! I should see that move, Pay it Forward, but feel I’ve been doing some of that in my life, despite not having seen it. Luckily, I’ve had family, friends, teachers, co-workers, kind passers-by, that have helped me in my life. Now that I’m 44, I am doing the same for others. It can be small things, like: Giving a co-worker $80 to get her car fixed, saying it’s an early X-mas gift, and I don’t want to be paid back. Also like, giving a friend a ride, holding the door for someone; or even, just being there to listen to someone (and not comment), but just listen. I believe we can all lift ourselves up to a higher-level, if we all partake of this type of thing. What a beautiful world we will have if everyone gets involved!

  2. There was a colleague, years
    There was a colleague, years ago, who went to enormous lengths to make my life hell. I simply cannot overstate how mush bs headed my way because of this chap. Well, I kept telling myself, “just wait, just wait…” Sure enough, he lost his job with my corporation ,his wife divorced him and he was left sharing a house with people he disliked and couldn’t trust, and a young step daughter died a very sad and painful death through brain cancer. He almost immediately married another woman and moved into her house, perhaps beginning another cycle of pain and torment all over again. Several years on, I occasionally see this pillock in my local area and rather than harbor anger or loathing toward him, I realise that I merely feel slightly sorry for him. Something in me just ‘gave’ under the weight of the years of near trauma he caused, (all behind my back and using others to get at me) and now I look back on how I changed. All that bs and stress made me a tougher cookie, perhaps too tough, too judgmental now, though I am far better at surviving the social jungle that we all scramble through. No, I don’t thank that man nor reminisce about ‘the journey’ but I have come to understand, at least in part, what Mr Strieber says when he suggests that the face of evolution may not be pretty or attractive when it casts it gaze upon you and reaches out from the shadows with its boney fingered touch.

  3. It is so true and especially
    It is so true and especially so at work, where we can’t get awat from it or from some clingy break up stalker type. The negative downers of chronic complainers adn jealous nay sayers. I now avoid strife and tv & radio news. One can not stay at the cage constantly, it is exhausting and teh world is to big to put both of your arms around it. If you value peace and seek joy…avoid…avoid…avoid…negative people and chaos.

  4. “When you trip and fall in
    “When you trip and fall in life, whether someone sticks their foot out in front of you or you just trip over a metaphorical tree root, you have no choice but to pick yourself up and start again. We’ve all done this countless times, and most of us expect to do it again in the future.”

    Hello Anne,

    The above quote from your article is about the only logical thing I read in it.
    When are people going to stop pedaling the “EVIL” nonsense?
    SH-t happens to everyone. There is no distinction between good and evil… if there were we would be living in a dual universe… which we are not. Good and evil are, simply, two ends of the same stick… human, emotional constructs designed to sort out the unknown or mysterious details of daily living. The universe has no value system… it just ‘is’ and everything in it, except the imagination of mankind, is neutral. (Perhaps the visitors have imagination, I don’t know because I haven’t, to my knowledge, experienced them as you and Whitley have). We, as a species, cannot comprehend the totality of Oneness or Omnipresence (IE : we are the Universe expressing itself as us) so we invent the concept of separateness to deceive our egos into believing they are individuals, alone and separate from everything else and, therefore, being somewhat important. That is the limited nature of being human consciousness.
    Believe it or not, I used to be a Lay minister and was studying to become Ordained; that is until I started reading the metaphysical writings of Joel S Goldsmith who passed in the 1960’s. I wholeheartedly recommend any one of the dozens of books and letters he has written, especially “REALIZATION OF ONENESS” or “BEYOND WORDS AND THOUGHTS”.
    I apologize if I sound like I’m scolding… it’s just that I think that nothing of our collective experience will change until mankind changes its pattern of thinking. This includes the idea of giving. I cannot give anything to another… we are the same ONE. It’s like the lungs supplying oxygen to the muscles; they do not count the breaths or take credit for them… they just do what is natural for them to do… or not.
    Thanks for letting me rant. Peace to you and yours.

  5. @Eldora Moon,
    How very, very

    @Eldora Moon,
    How very, very sad that you allow yourself to be so manipulated by the fiction and superstition of the concepts of good and evil. Neither one is a reality except in the mind of mankind. The impossibility of our comprehension faculties to sort out any rhyme or reason to daily life results in story telling; stories that we tell ourselves, deep down inside, that attempt to mask the fear of death and living equally. Evil does not lurk… the concept of evil arises from the unknown and is presented from fear. My favorite acronym for F.E.A.R. is False, Evidence, Appearing, Real. If something or someone annoys or ‘dis-eases’ you… look within yourself for the reason. Avoiding, avoiding, avoiding only postpones the healing. As long as we view each other as “Other” this conundrum will seem to exist. I find it interesting that the people who most believe in evil are strong believers in a religion of some sort… especially the Americanized version of Christianity. (I know you didn’t bring up religion). A mental or psychological dis-ease, as you put it, is no more likely to disappear by avoidance than is any physical ailment. Once the realization of the Non-locality of Persons or Personalities (as demonstrated in Quantum Physics) dawns… nothing will ever upset you or your world (as seen by ego) again.
    As long as mankind insists that good and evil are two separate realities, he will experience them to the degree his faith in them allows. Peace is never achieved by avoiding the perceived problem; for, the battle is not in the outer experiences but within us or, as Whitley puts it, in the soul of us.

  6. Well, I’ve seen evil, once,
    Well, I’ve seen evil, once, in my early childhood, in a dream; and, once again in my early 20s, and I was NOT in a dream that time. Actually seeing evil, I will count, as one of my many blessings in life, though, it is a strange blessing, indeed! I thank the others, above, that don’t believe in “good vs. evil.” It helps open my mind, and realize we all part of of a multi-faceted, human race, with different filters and beliefs.

  7. About 7 years ago I had a
    About 7 years ago I had a book that I really through might make the NY Times bestsellers list, because it sold 150,000 copies in just one week. It didn’t. I was puzzled. I found out when I received a royalty check for $3000 for the 350,000 copies that my publisher had released the same book under multiple ISBNs to keep from having to account of copies sold in non-traditional outlets. It was a major blow, and when floods started pushing houses off hillsides in the Laguna Beach neighborhood where my publisher had one of his many homes a few months later, I had difficulty adhering to my principles about right relationship.

    I got stuck on getting cheated for a year or two. Then it occurred to me that I never was going to be able to get that book on the NYT bestsellers list and I couldn’t win in court without spending more money than I was likely to collect. But it hasn’t been a waste of time. I learned a heck of a lot writing my book, and I’ve been able to move on from the content (it was non-fiction) in dozens of venues since. I’ve finally made as much money in three years as I ought have made in 3 weeks, but it’s a flow, not a faucet now. And being in the flow is a wonderful thing for a writer.

  8. The “charmer” may have
    The “charmer” may have symptoms of anti-social personality syndrome. 3% of men and 1% of women may have it. “Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder frequently lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical, and contemptuous of the feelings, rights, and sufferings of others. … Lack of empathy, inflated self-appraisal, and superficial charm are features” mhttp://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx7.htm Causes are unknown, but genetics have some part. I would not have known such person could exist until I got entangled with one. Somehow we have left out of the education of our children/culture the sad fact that these people exist and to always beware. I had to learn the hard way. Whitely was wise to protect himself. Sources such a the Book of Proverbs may be only way to get wisdom when one is young and naive. Or a wise grandparent, or good literature. We just don’t know how true the advice is, or how much we are going to need it, often until it is too late. Better to learn in mid-life than not at all, and to pass down the lesson to the next generations.

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