As the Mad Cow Disease panic hits Germany and suspected meat is being recalled, butcher shops are empty and restaurants are no longer serving steaks.

During the first BSE scare in November, shoppers switched to game, but they are now being warned that the deer in Germanforests have been fed the same bone-meal feed that was given to cattle.

Scientists have especially cautioned Germans not to eat sausage, which is a staple there, because organ meat is usually ground into the mixture. Lamb may have scrapie and chickens have salmonella.

The Chinese eat cats and dogs, but if pet-loving Germans wanted to try these dishes, they would risk disease, becausebone-meal is included in the pet foods that these animals consume. Hamsters and guinea pigs have animal products intheir feed as well.

Fish is acceptable, although lakes and streams-and certainly oceans-are increasingly polluted. Pork is a favorite foodin Germany, but it has been discovered that millions of Bavarian pigs were fattened up with the same kind of illegalsteroids that were given to East German Olympic athletes.

The German parliament’s canteen has banned both beef and pork. It now offers cabbage stew, elk ragout and organicvegetarian cannelloni. Beef is also no longer being served in the German army. Elk, reindeer, ostrich, and crocodilemeats are turning up on store shelves.

Goose has always been a delicacy on German menus, and they’ve discovered a safe place to get them: from the zoo. The Kreuzberg zoo in Berlin now only has Gustav left-a goose too old and stringy to be eaten. All the rest of the zoo’sgeese, along with 4 ducks and 7 hens, have vanished because the zoo staff and abducted and eaten them.

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