Federal Bureau of Investigation spokesman Lester Headair told reporters today the the Bureau has filed a trademark infringement suit against the Daimler/Chrysler Corp. for itsuse of the name “Unibomb” for its new giant SUV.

The Daimler/Chrysler Unibomb is twenty feet high, fifty feet long and holds a hundred and fifty gallons of fuel. It is intended as a ‘suburban runabout for soccer moms who must take the games with them when they do errands,’ according to the company.

The breakthrough vehicle gets five gallons to the mile and has its own built-in stairs, which deploy when the doors are opened. In addition to two competing soccer teams, the Unibomb can hold 13,000 pounds of soccer equipment. The SUV weighs 70,000 pounds, the same as an Abrams Tank.

Headair commented, “The bigger the better as far as we’re concerned. All we want back is our name.”

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