The head chicken wrangler on President Bush?s Crawford, Texas ranch has resigned after only three years in office. ?I am sick and tired of trying to convince hell-raising foreign dignitaries that this is not THAT kind of a chicken ranch,?said wrangler Kenneth Starr. ?I was better off practicing law,? he continued, referring to his previous career as a prosecutor. Mr. Starr?s longtime friend and associate, former president Bill Clinton, said ?I could have told them boththat a presidential chicken ranch would be a mistake. I mean, you cannot get these foreign boys to slow down, or to understand a damn word you say.?

Prime Minister Zhu Rongji of the State Council of China, on a recent visit to Crawford, was reportedly outraged that his bedroom did not have a mirrored ceiling. ?He tossed a full bowl of fried rice Condaleeza in my face when it turned out that all I had to show him were our beautiful genetically engineered Rhode Island Reds,? Mr. Starr complained. ?Think how much moo-shu chicken you could get out of one of these babies. But did he care? He did not care.?

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