Authorities are threatening to close one of Great Britain’s most famous zoos after it was revealed that it is breeding genetically altered Kodiak Bears in order to sell their paws into the Chinese aphrodisiac market.

Bear paw soup is prized even above the skin of the White Rhino as an enhancement to male potency in China. Among cognoscenti, the eating of the actual paw itself is preferred to any drinking of soup. “The soup is for the sissy,” one user said, “it’s the paw that counts.”

Bear paw restaurants across China sell the paws in a “sandwich” between two rice dough pancakes, flavored with Hosin Sauce.

In Parliament last night, Labour member Nigel Bear of Bexleyheath & Crayford questioned the government asking why the Regent of Sellafield Zoo had not been removed. “They have sold over five hundred of these paws. It’s a cruel and disgraceful practice and it must be stopped at once.”

Mr. Blair replied, “Sellafield has developed a method using genetic engineering of creating bears with harvestable paws. The animals are not injured in any way, and are, in fact, glad to get rid of the extras.”

The London Times reports that the bears have had phasmid genes injected into their eggs prior to gestation in the womb. In forty percent of the cases, this results in bears with harvestable paws. Phasmids are six-legged.

Rupert Sheldrake doesn’t work with multi-legged bears, but he knows all about psychic dogs and parrots.

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