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Famed late night chat-show host Art Bell has disappearedduring an expedition to Mel?s Hole, identified by the UnitedStates Geologic Survey as the deepest hole in the world.Bell?s long time associate, astrophysicist, geologist,planetologist and chef Richard C. Hoagland said that ahypersensitive listening device had been set up on the lipof the hole and had picked up ?statements of concern? for anhour and a half, followed by apparent attempts to utterphrases in Cantonese that ?gradually faded away.? In aseparate story, Chinese scientists announced a pressconference for Sunday at which they will offer proof thatUFOs come out of the ground.

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A robotic penis being tested at the government?s HumanAnalytics Facility in Orange County, California hasdisappeared. Officials said that the electrically poweredprosthetic has an internal guidance system, and may haveleft on its own after a power surge caused by a thunderstormmoving through the area deranged its onboard computer.

Lab director Dr. Michael Merkin said that he?s concerned forthe safety of anybody who stole the penis, or comes intocontact with it. ?This is a powerful device,? he said, ?andcould be very dangerous if it falls into unskilled hands.?
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The Vatican announced at noon Pacific time that Pope JohnPaul II has died. He reigned as pope for 26 years, thesecond longest pontificate in history. During this time, hewas steadfastly conservative, an outspoken adherent toCatholic tradition. He was the 265th pope. The Catholicpapacy is the longest continuous governmental officepresently in existence. It has lasted since theestablishment of the pontificate of St. Peter in 32AD, for1,973 years. Only the Pharaonic institution of ancient Egyptlasted longer. It continued for 3,120 years.
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