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Why Online Dating Doesn't Work

It's because we LIE to OURSELVES about what turns us on--you have to meet that special one IN PERSON for your hormones (and your libido) to ramp up. Even the sexiest description just won't work. No matter how much people say they're looking for someone smart, who they can trust and laugh with, what they REALLY WANT is a sexually attractive partner (and this applies to both to men AND women).

Could such unrealistic expectations be the reason these people are lonely in the first place? In LiveScience.com, Jennifer Welsh quotes psychologist Eli Finkel as saying, "People will readily tell you what they value in a romantic partner, but study after study shows that those preferences don't predict whom daters are actually attracted to when they meet flesh-and-blood partners. Now we can get under the hood with this quirky methodology to see what people actually prefer in live-interaction settings." In other words, what REALLY turns people on.

Welsh quotes psychologist Paul Eastwick as saying, "If a person tells me, for example, that she doesn't care about how attractive a guy is, our research suggests that her claim isn't worth all that much."

Finkel agrees and says, "If you are browsing a bunch of profiles you are assuming you can glean information from those profiles that is actually relevant to how attracted you will be to that person when you meet face to face. People really don't have that level of accurate insight."

One thing Whitley Strieber has "accurate insight" about is MEDITATION--he's taught thousands of people how to do it through his many meditations (just for subscribers) on this website, as well as with the help of his groundbreaking book The Path. Make tomorrow DIFFERENT: Meditate today!



I beg to differ: Sometimes on-line dating DOES work.

If you are a mature person, you understand your needs vs. your wants. A relationship involves equal parts give and take, but if you are fortunate enough to have discovered traits that are important and dovetail with your own, and you see a photo that also grabs your attention, the possibilities begin to unfold. Yes, sexual attraction is important, and on-line it may be much more subtle.

I met my special person on-line after first 'rejecting' him as one of my choices. We went back and forth many times with on-line message, and at one point I decided that I just did not like his response to one of my questions. I took the low road, and used my new-found power to dump him without so much as an explanation. The way this particular web-site is set up, it is very easy to pick and choose whom to communicate with, without them ever really knowing who you are or how to track you down, and vice versa.

Well, within days after 'dumping' this person, I began seeing his face in my dreams. One morning as I was waking up, I saw his face again, and realized that I better try to re-connect, if he was willing, and just see how it all played out. Fortunately, he was open to re-connecting, but also wanted to know why he was dumped to begin with! I expressed my regret and apologized, and also allowed that my reasons were pretty shallow. A few days later we finally exchanged phone numbers, spoke a few times, and agreed to meet each other.

That was 2 1/2 years ago and we have been together ever since then. We are similar, yet also different in ways that keep things interesting. We are very sexually attracted to one another, but all of those other things that are so important to me, like strength of character, honesty, kindness, and emotional intelligence are also there. I hit the jackpot!

People with "unrealistic" expectations are everywhere, not just on-line. Bottom line: If you have unrealistic expectations in the virtual world of on-line dating, you may also have unrealistic expectations in the day-to-day 'real' world as well.

I also strongly disagree with this article. I met me husband online in 2000. After two failed attempts at marriage and a broken engagenment, i found a lasting relationship...online. My two daughters have also found the RIGHT GUY online. The formula does work as long as one uses common sense.People can also lie offline also, and in meeting in any other means also does not give a person assurance that the person isnt a wacko either. At least meeting online, you get to know the inner workings of the person BEFORE you meet offline and see if the attraction physically is actually there also. Using common sense is the key. Then one has to bring that person into their physical world by dating and getting to know them again. Online dating is just the introduction, but a very important key element in this world, these days.:)

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