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President's Secret Life Revealed

President George Bush today revealed that he has had a secret life for many years as an expert brain scientist. "Yes, I've published over a hundred papers in the area of brain science," the President said on his way to Camp David this morning.

Some of the president?s most well-received efforts are "Anterior Cingulate Cortex Dysfunction in Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Revealed by MRI and the Counting Stroop," published in Biological Psychiatry, vol. 45, no. 12, June 15, 1999, pp. 1542-52, and "Short-latency Compensatory Eye Movements Associated with a Brief Period of Free Fall," authored along with F. Miles in Experimental Brain Research, vol. 108, no. 2, March 1996, pp. 337-40.

The president has also worked in the field of research psychiatry, using his brain science expertise to branch out into the areas of cognitive dysfunction and sanity. His most famous work in this area is "On the Disappearance of Knickers: Hypotheses for the Functional Analysis of the Psychology of Clothing." He published this landmark paper in partnership with Perry London, Journal of Social Psychology, vol. 51, pp. 359-66.

Unknowncountry has determined that the president is being modest by implying that his secret life in science is confined to brain and mind research. In fact, his has participated in publications in many other areas as well. Here is anexample:

"Modification of female onion fly, Delia antiqua (Meigen), reproductive behavior by male paragonial gland extracts (Diptera: Anthomyiidae)," J.L. Spencer, George W. Bush, et al., Journal of Insect Behavior, vol. 5, no 6., November 1992, pp. 689-697.

When asked about his remarkable, "Decadence and Chaos -- The World of Soyinka, Wole Cult Hero," G. W. Bush, English Studies in Africa, vol. 36, no. 1, 1993, pp. 57-72, the president fondly admitted, "I still have my pith helmet."

Mr. Bush generally goes unrecognized at convocations of brain scientists, using the simple ruse of not wearing his toupee?or his pith helmet.

What are the secrets of the folks who are really running things around the world?

To read the full text of any of the President?s journalarticles and papers, click here.

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