Our April Fools Page

Our April Fool’s page received a flood of appreciation, and for that we thank you–especially those of you who were genuinely duped, at least for the few seconds it took a reasonably intelligent person to realize that they were being spoofed.

This year, though, we also got a whole lot of hate mail, largely from folks who were taken in by it, and they were not happy campers. We have to admit that the letters were side-splitting. Of course, some of them could be putting US on. If so, then, kudos–we fell for YOUR April Fool back! Read on, to find out if you’re among the lucky few whose reactions have been reprinted here.

Last year, when we published a story to the effect that the President had converted to Islam, our mailbox was loaded with appreciative laughter. This year, the much milder?even flattering, after all?brain science spoof garnered lots of hostility. And as for the other stories?one or two people resented the six-pawed bear story, and somebody cancelled their subscription because they went to the April Fools Day Parade in New York City and found that it wasn?t there. There were no comments on the spoof ads. This is a testament, we think, to the nosedive that click-through advertising has been taking lately. Too bad you missed the British Stick Insect Foundation. Their receipe for phasmid soup is very special.

Here are a few of your responses:

?Just because the President of the United States happens to be bald is no reason to poke fun at him. He is a good, Christian man and he does not deserve to be laughed at. My husband is bald, and he is a fine man and if anybody laughed at him I would SPIT IN YOUR FACE.?

Our response: We got the feeling that this person does a fair amount of face spitting?in spirit, at least.

?Didn’t like the April fool news. In a time of war you make fun of the president?! You must be new-age stupid. The only alians you’ve ever seen is in the mirror. I hope you get abdubted again, and have a good time on planet X.?

Our reply: The President is known to have a sense of humor. He can also spell.

?I have trouble believing that your article about G. W. Bush’s secret life as a scientist is for real – and I imagine many others are questioning its validity as well. The article and picture seem better suited for World Weekly News. Please prove otherwise by quickly publishing some authenticating information. There are over 100 published research papers, which list a G. Bush as an author. That does not mean, however, that the G. Bush listed is the President, George W. Bush. Please respond. Thanks. Oh my gosh. I just realized it’s April Fool’s Day. Does that have anything to do with it??

We explained: No, it does not.

?CORRECTION: We went to the April Fool?s Day Parade you advertised and it did not happen. CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION.?

We said: Cancel it yourself.

HOW DARE YOU HUMOR WAR BASTARD ALIENS ARE LIE!

Our reaction: OH MY GOODNESS.

?I would like to point out that the picture of the six-legged bear on your website does not look real. This bear is sitting down because I think it cannot walk. What do those paws lead to??

We did not reply. This is clueless on so many different levels it?s beyond comment.

?JESUS CHREIST did not laugh at bald men BUT YOU DO! YOU DESERVE TO BE SLAPPED ACROSS THE FACE!

Apparently Mz Spit was not satisfied with just one email. We responded: Guess the spit missed. And another thing. We don?t think you?re a wife at all. We think you?re a guy and YOU?RE BALD! (But?dare we say it?the President isn?t.)

?I have been a loyal dreamland listener and regular visitor to your website for many years. But I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in your recent story claiming that the president is a ?brain expert.? This just seems completely fabricated to me, using the transparent ruse that some other person named George Bush and the President are the same. Can?t you try sticking to the real news? As proof that I am right, I submit that the President did not go to Camp David on Monday or Tuesday. He came back on Sunday, so why would he go again right away? I am most disappointed at the poor quality of your reporting. I will never listen to your program or go to your website again.?

We replied that we had reconfirmed with the White House that the President is indeed a secret brain expert. We offered to send the correspondent a picture of his toupee as proof.

?A cat is killed and you laugh. The bear has six feet and you laugh. A hard working president goes bald and you laugh. Ha ha ha, you filthy fucking freak!?

Our response: Actually, the bear has eight paws. Two are not visible in this photo. It walks like a centipede.

?Don?t you idiots think starving elevants of Iraq should be helped? Look, it is very thin! You American shoot all, no care. Elevant starve.?

We felt that he needed some reassurance about this, so we explained to him, Only eight hundred of the two thousand Medina Division elevants were starved. This means that one thousand two hundred of them were NOT starved. Hope this helps.

?You know I used to think of this site as an informative and exciting place……until I saw that cheesily done picture of George Bush. Whoever did the skin tone on his head needed to stay inside the lines better. sheesh.?

This reader got the following response: We have fired the artist because of your displeasure. Thanks for your input!

?Your story of George W. If it’s a joke I find the timing inappropriate. If it’s a hack job it is a good one. If it’s true and/or you are serious, well, I don’t know what to think. Wonders never cease!?

We replied: The President?s expertise in brain science is well known in many quarters.

?Your story on bear paws, if it’s a joke, which i believe it to be, is in poor taste. in fact, it really pisses the fuck out of me. i love all creatures, and to leverage the plight of this species for an April Fools joke is not cool–AT ALL. please apologize, or i’m going to seriously consider dropping my 3.95/month subscription to help support you. keep in mind i have a great sense of humor, but in cases of real suffering, which this parodies, i do not. i also voted ‘Far Left’ in your recent political poll, so if that’s any indication of your impact….?

Our reply: Since there are no bears with six paws, it is hard to see how this parodies real suffering. On the other hand, the exploding cat story is in very poor taste indeed.

?You parody the president in wartime. You shut up. You belong at Guantanamo with the other terrorist faggot pigs. And you have no business saying he was not elected legally. That kind of crap should be against the law. You belong in prison.?

We replied: Guantanamo or prison? Strictly speaking, incarceration at Guantanamo is not imprisonment, but detention. Please clarify your position, if you don?t mind. If it helps, while one of Whitley?s guests did say that he thought the election was rigged, Whitley has never expressed such an opinion.

?I just wanted tell you that I have watched over the last year this web-site slide into about as low as it can go in your ability to report. I was in the Marine Corps for six years and I have bought and read every book you have written. The Bush story is so childism that I will come to your site again, much less by anything you write again. Good luck asshole.?

We replied: Your sense of humor apparently got lost in the shuffle. The story was published in April 1. If the president saw it, he probably got a much needed laugh out of it. Unlike you, he does have a sense of humor, a very good one.

We’d also like to thank our fellow foolers, most especially Dana Augustine, who so expertly relieved the President of his hair, and our ever-lovin’ webmaster Daniel Stegall, who created the wonderful ads for the British Stick Insect Foundation and Clones R’ Us.

Additionally, we’d like to thank the Museum of Hoaxes, a wonderful place to visit for those of you who remain capable of that highest of all human expressions, laughter. Recall the creation myth of Meister Eckhart: God laughed, and begat the holy spirit. They laughed together and begat the son. The laughter of the three together begat the whole creation.

NOTE: This news story, previously published on our old site, will have any links removed.