A few weeks ago, I discovered a lost trove of lecture tapes, interviews, videos and other audio-visual documents, including some of the most unusual UFO videos ever made, and this week I begin the process of archiving them online.
The first thing I uploaded is a lecture I gave in 1988 at the World Affairs Conference at the University of Colorado in Boulder, to an audience of about a thousand people. I was introduced by Walter Orr Roberts, who had initially been invited to chair what became the Condon Committee that produced Project Blue Book.
A number of Condon Committee members attended the lecture.
Oddly, I have only the vaguest memory of delivering it, but, listening to it, I found myself reflecting on all that has happened to me, and the incredible changes that have been wrought in my being because of the years I spent with the grays and the various other beings that showed up in my life between 1986 and 2001.
I say 2001 because, since then, there have been only a few small--if, in one or two cases, spectacular--incidents since then. However, much, much more has happened to me since the visitors left me than ever did while they were with me.
I see now that I was in a sort of school, on a learning program. It began, as far as I know, in the fall of 1985, when they returned to me after being absence since my early teens.
I did not remember them, and the shock of their appearance in my life was completely overwhelming. I do know, though, why they returned, and, like everything they do, it was not for one specific reason, but for a variety of reasons, all having to do with what appears to be a life plan, or energetic current in my life, that has led me to become what I am now, and am still becoming.
It has involved a series of tremendous shocks, the first of which was the catastrophe that befell me as a little boy when I ended up in an abusive situation of some kind, apparently involving certain experiments conducted on children at Randolph Air Force Base in San Antonio.
My memories of this are vague, but whatever was going on, it led to the stress-induced collapse of my immune system in the summer of my seventh year. It seemed, also, to have somehow cracked the cosmic egg for me, and when I was nine, a series of encounters started that would continue until puberty.
I have little direct memory of them--just the few snatches that I reported in the Secret School. More telling is the fact that one of the neighborhood boys, Michael Ryan, remembered me telling about the soldiers I had seen with aliens on a trip to Wisconsin taken in the summer of 1957, an experience I spontaneously recalled under hypnosis in 1986. In addition, a prominent San Antonio lawyer, who has not made his name public, has vivid memories of UFOs flying over our neighborhood in broad daylight.
So I think now that something was certainly going on then, and that it was meant to prepare me for what would take place in 1985.
Another part of the preparation was my involvement in the Gurdjieff Foundation, where I learned about two fundamental and universal laws, the Law of Three that is the key to harmony, and the law that Buckminster Fuller called "the building block of the universe" and the Law of Seven that is the law of progression across gaps via the use of shocks.
The first shock in my life took place in my childhood, the second in 1985, when the visitors showed up and manhandled me to the point that I awoke to them.
They have, throughout my life, displayed a great mastery of being. Whoever they are, they have nothing to do with the dark side that I and others have written about and faced. They were, and are, a powerful life-affirming force and well aware of their mastery and their right to assume a teaching role in my life.
Another great event for me has been, as it has turned out, the placement of the implant in my left ear. The video of the attempt to remove this is already archived in the subscriber section of Unknowncountry, so you can watch it if you wish.
Looking back, I consider the doctor's failure to remove the little white disk that moved off into the tissue of my ear when he touched it with his scalpel as one of the luckiest breaks I ever had.
I have learned how to use this implant--at least, begun to--and I see it now as a tremendous and powerful gift, a technological device that has freed me from the bondage and illusion of space-time and enabled me to travel in realms undreamed.
It is not a mind control device, nor does it read my mind. I know this because I have learned to turn it on and off myself, and to begin to use it as what it is: a tool.
But before I get into exactly what I have learned to do with it, I would like to return to 1988 and that lecture. It is a careful and impassioned appeal to an audience of scientists to embrace the mystery of close encounter. In the lecture, I say that I do not know what is happening, but that the mystery is real.
I am not nearly as ignorant now as I was then, but science certainly is. My appeal fell on deaf ears and dead minds. The scientific community, which certainly has tools that would enable it to address both the UFO and close encounter phenomena in a useful manner, remains resolutely opposed to doing so.
As such, this is the ONLY mystery in the natural world that science will not address. This arises out of a culture of denial that starts with the United States Air Force and--ironically--is centered in Dr. Condon's preface to the Project Blue Book report, not to the report itself, which clearly identified a number of cases which did appear to involve intelligently guided craft of unknown and probably nonhuman origin.
But Dr. Condon's lying preface denies this, and that denial has been used ever since by the Air Force, the US Government, the media and science as justification for ignoring these phenomena.
It's too bad. One of the grays told Col. Phil Corso that there was on offer for us, "a new world, if you can take it." Apparently, they can't take it. Can't bear it. Are afraid, individually, to defy their various cultures and go for it anyway.
But I am not afraid. I can take it. Have taken it. I have stolen this fire that was put in my head, and will spend the rest of my life learning to use it and using it.
Here are some of the things I have learned to use it for:
1. Observe other worlds. I can lie down, collect my thoughts, gather my attention as I have taught in the meditation series in our subscriber section, and see rich, almost television-like images of life on other planets. Usually, I cannot see the beings, only their artifacts. Sometimes I can see them as well, but that's hard because it involves much more than just looking. There is a level of interaction that I am just now learning. The problem is that the contact is so personal and so startling that it backs me out of the whole process. But I'm getting past that.
What I have learned from this is, among other things, that the universe is radio silent because this method of communication is extensively used. Understand, I am not talking about something vague, like a hallucination or dream. These images are powerful, spontaneous and as complex as images of daily life here, but often so unusually constructed that they amount to a flood of original detail.
It's also possible to return to different places, as I have done, in some cases, many times. There is a world, for example, that I have come to know well, which I describe in detail in the book that I'm bringing out a year from August, the Grays: it is agrarian and formed along lines that really appeal to me. Simple physical life, few possessions, rich, complex interaction between people.
I say people advisedly: while I cannot often manage real-time interaction, seeing forms is fairly easy, and I have seen many. Quite a few are organized around the two arms, two legs model, but not all. Some look quite like us, and that has led me to wonder if our form has not been seeded, or if there is not some sort of genetic manipulation involved that causes this. Or it could be that planets that evolve along similar lines also evolve life forms that are similar, I don't know.
The implant also enables me to travel almost anywhere in space and time, or even outside of space time. It acts as a sort of accelerator of being, intensifying my ability to move out of my body and into many remarkable realms. It also causes me, at times, to hear the inner workings of the minds of other people, something that is so extremely different from what one might imagine that it is really hard to describe in words. It's not a common experience and has not entered language, which is why I can only talk about it indirectly.
However, there can be a spontaneous, extraordinarily deep movement between minds that exposes their truth and their sense in a way that we cannot speak of directly. Suffice to say that fingerprints and faces are different, but minds are REALLY different. Every one of us is a God peering into the physical world in a completely unique way.
Also, it enables truly extraordinary out of body journeys, some involving complete separation and even entry, in places where the right equipment is available, into physical nodes that enable one to literally walk the streets of other worlds. I know that this sounds completely incredible, but it is quite true. There are many places where this technology is old hat--in fact, commonplace. However, there are also complex rules involved, that have enabled me to see why those who come here either using physical bodies of their own creation or human forms, such as those of people who are capable of sharing their bodies--and yes, that is commonplace, too--are so careful about not disturbing the local culture.
This gets to a very large thought, and one that is contemplated around this whole universe, and deeply: what is the condition, meaning and future of intelligent life? How is intelligence faring in the universe, and what meaning might it have?
The problem is that intelligent species are a risky proposition. They are incredibly rare. Mostly, the universe is a grand wasteland. All of us are either the outcome of chance or manipulation, and usually parts of both. And everybody wonders why the process of evolution leads to us?
Intelligent species go extinct all the time, and one of the great questions that seeks an answer is, are we dying faster than we are being born? The grays think so, and this is their motivation for doing genetic manipulation, increasing the developmental speed of species with the potential to evolve.
But why is intelligent life even wanted? The reason, oddly enough, was correctly described by two physicists back in 1977, in the journal Science. D.B.H. Kuyper and M. Morris speculated that the motive of intelligent species, if they came here, would be to observe novel events, ideas and lives, and that, therefore, they would keep their own presence secret.
This is exactly true. The species that are not conscious of the larger world are, in some cases, too primitive to understand, and are used as sources of a sort of relief by those who do understand. For those who have surmounted space-time, the vast universe is actually quite claustrophobic. But joining to the emotional content of a species like ours, who cannot see the borders of reality, is a huge relief. An illusion, of course, but so welcome that it is almost a kind of drug.
It is why we are kept in isolation--imprisoned, as it were. To see the world as we see it is to be, at least for a little while, freed from the devastating knowledge of the borders of space-time. It also enables surprise which, when lost, is exactly like losing the most acute sense you can possibly imagine. A sad state, and one that the grays struggle with, as do many others.
Not all human beings are imprisoned. It is possible to gain the right to come and go on this earth, and to do so physically. Personally, I have been offered this twice, but the price is too steep: I would have to step out of my life on earth and become an observer here, no longer a direct participant.
There are those who have done it. I have met some of them. Two of them put the implant in my ear in the first place, to enable me to join them if I wished.
However, this species is in trouble, and I don't intend to opt out of the hard part. We are going to go through a dieback on earth that could commence literally any time, and for dozens of different reasons. It's not our fault. There are simply too many of us.
I observed this happen on another world, back in 1993. They were suffering from overpopulation and the attendant environmental breakdowns, just as we are. Their culture had declined in a way that is tragically familiar in this universe: it had divided into two opposed totalitarian states, one like Nazi Germany and the other like Soviet Russia. There was no freedom on the planet, and when that happens, a species will almost always destroy itself.
This was a place of yellow skies and ruined forests, of vast factories and teeming masses of people confined, except for a few, to public transport and life in blocks of flats chronically short on everything. There was immense wealth, hidden, of course, and seeming so peculiar to the observer, who is always led to wonder why people what to keep objects near their bodies--what "possessions" even are? Then, very abruptly and for no known reason, there was a massive nuclear exchange.
I was able to interact here somewhat, trying to be a spark of freedom for a few of them who were engaged in a very secret and forbidden activity, which their governments regarded in the way the Soviets regarded religion, but which did raise them enough to see those of us who took an interest in the place.
Still, the planet did not recover from the nuclear exchange. It is dead now and will remain dead for millions of years.
It's not alone: many, many intelligent species ruin their planets. In fact, essentially everything happens. Some every bit as bad as the one I have just described--some, even, that have gone collectively mad--do get out into the universe in all sorts of ways, and cause all sorts of trouble.
To the really old ones, they're not even unwelcome. Novelty is too delicious to reject, even if it is negative.
So, looking back to the scared guy on that podium so long ago, I see that I have come a very far distance. As I was speaking there, I was thinking that the visitors were still very much in my life, and how could I ever communicate that?
I still wonder. I wonder what effect this journal will have? No doubt, I won't be believed, and that's all right, because, in a sense, it leaves me free in ways that belief would not.
I suppose that the visitors might one day dignify all of this by showing up. Then, I wonder, what will I do? One ends up so far from home, in a sense, that the grammar of home, its logic and meaning, become like distant memories. How can I ever synchronize myself to this world again, I wonder? I work in it, live in it every day, but it's as if one foot lives here, while the other walks in the stars.
NOTE: This Journal entry, previously published on our old site, will have any links removed.