A Change of Being

Friday, June 29, 2012

I have not added a journal entry in months. The reason is that I have been at a loss about what to say. But I'm going to try, at least to put down a few paragraphs about what's been happening to me. Outwardly, I've been living my life, writing, working on this website, interacting with friends, all the usual things.

Inwardly, though, something has changed and is still changing. My difficulty is that it's so very hard to put into words. Also, as time goes on, I get more and more reticent. I don't think I'm becoming a hermit, but it's a struggle not to do what I have seen so many close encounter witnesses do, which is to turn entirely toward their experience and close the door on the outside world.

I love the outside world, and I think that I'm meant to be a worldwalker, which is why I have had so much experience lavished on me. I cannot say how grateful I am, or how hard it is to do this.

The enormous, overriding problem is language. Words, Sentences, the whole structure of the thing. It does not reflect the reality I'm experiencing, and I know that many of you who come to Unknowncountry because you have the same sorts of life experiences that I do will know exactly what I mean.

Anyway, I am going to try to chronicle a few things. First, I'd like to say something about life and death. They don't have the same meaning to me that they once did. Death isn't a mystery anymore, but rather I see it as another part of the art of being. What happens is this: during life, we take experience in. We are in an active state. After the life is finished, we enter a passive, or contemplative state. It's breath. Life is breathing in. Death is breathing out. Two sides of a triad: life is the active side, death the passive.

However, there is a third side to every triangle, and that's what the change of being that I'm experiencing is about. Active and passive energies are easy to perceive, but we are third force blind, and this is the essence of the human predicament.

So what is this 'third force' that is neither active nor passive but can create balance between the two? As there are an infinite number of triads, there are also an infinite number of manifestations of balance, most of them fleeing and essentially automatic, touched only briefly as we slip randomly between active and passive life states.

Being is larger than either the physical or the nonphysical state, but it bears reference to both and is infused in both. What has been happening to me is that I'm beginning to be in both states at the same time, which has been true for some time, but is true now in a much more clear way. It isn't that I am literally both alive and dead, but rather that I am living this life while remembering my past before I came to it, and knowing how I am unfolding now not only as I move along my physical timeline, but I am also seeing into the conscious world that suffuses and surrounds the physical, but is not contained by it.

The Sphinx is the key to understanding this state. It has the strength of a bull, the courage of a lion and the intelligence of a man. When the three parts work together--active courage and passive strength being balanced by neutral and harmonizing intelligence--then it spreads its wings and soars aloft like and eagle.

This feels like a state of objectivity. One looks down not only on what is transpiring in the active, living state, but also what waits in the passive state that we call death, but which is not death at all, and very far from the nothingness that we imagine and dread. In other words, there is a condition of being that transcends life and death. It is this that I am tasting now.

One thing that I find interesting about it--one of many--is that, as I enter deeply into the state, I seem to actually change physically. I can feel this, as if my body is becoming a kind of energy and is not entirely material. I was in such a state in March one evening while meditating. The sense of the presence of fourth mind was so palpable that I picked up my phone and snapped a picture of myself, just to see if the sensation that I felt around my head--as if I was materially both inside and outside myself at the same time--might be recordable. The picture above is the result.

More recently, in late May, I began to feel as if Anne and I were not alone in this place. There was somebody else here, whom we could not see. I have a small automatic camera, which I set up on the night of May 28. It was motion sensitive. I set it to take images in our bedroom, just above the bed so that our movements in sleep would not activate it.

The next morning, I not only discovered that it had gone off a number of times, I found that the clips contained what look like moving orbs or bits of dust, as if there was air moving in the room. But there wasn't. The windows were closed and it was absolutely still. Not only that, specks of dust wouldn't have activated the camera, but something certainly did. On prior nights, the camera took video only when one of us got up and moved around in the room.

Even stranger, the camera ceased to work after that. The battery was drained even though I'd charged it the night before, and it could never again be recharged. So all I was left with was the microdisk with the images on it. (Log in to see one of the videos. It's typical of the group.)

The next night, I had what I would describe as a moment of gnosis, in the form of a dream. In it, I found myself looking into a well. The water was perfectly clear, but the bottom of the well was covered in silt. Anne and I wanted something that was there, and were trying to locate it so we could drop a hook and bring it up.

The next thing I knew, the water went down and two horrific creatures appeared, looming up out of the well with their teeth bared. Anne was safe behind me, but I couldn't back away from them. They were going to devour me--and yet...not. They seemed soft and somehow unable to actually reach me.

I then woke up and saw three dark, blocky figures standing beside the bed. Of course, I was absolutely terrified, and thrust out my hand, slapping at them. The three of them at once disappeared, and I felt my hand slap against something soft, like a smooth bald head, which immediately slipped out of my grasp.

I experienced a powerful moment of knowing that has extended, and has become me. I look, act and physically feel the same. But I am not the same.

What I want to leave you with is the idea that we should think of ourselves in terms of the overarching being that we actually are, not simply as a living body. We are here in the physical world inhaling the breath of experience. We are enacting life plans we have intentionally hidden from ourselves so that we will react to the experiences we have not out of our knowledge, but out of our deep personal truth. Thus, when we are in the contemplative state that we the living refer to as death, we will be observing our lives, and integrating the energy we have retained in the form of essence-memories into our larger selves.

I have seen a few other things. First, we are not a 'species' that evolved on Earth. We are the product of a very advanced science of our own devising, engaged in a deep practice of energy management, breathing experience in when we are in the flesh, then releasing the energy when we are not.

This place is not natural--or rather, our place in it is not natural. The human species is not only an outcome of natural selection, it has been interfered with and elements of design added. Specifically, we have done the interfering. We have created mankind as a mechanism of evolution. Ours has been a much longer journey than we realize.

We are an enormously complex, profoundly conscious and deeply lonely presence that emerges out of endlessness and slips away into the infinite. We are searching for freedom of a kind that is almost impossible to imagine--for ecstasy, in the end, that is absolutely pure and absolutely authentic--in short, that is perfectly true.

We are our own bright angels and our own dark gods. There is nobody here but us, but when I say that, you must release your imagination as best you are able, to glimpse from the vantage point of the physical, the poignant, searching immensity that is being.

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Where to begin?

I have been having encounters since the conception of my life. My first impressions of what makes up my consciousness was within the womb. My mother was schizophrenic. While inside her I was given a terrible and beautiful gift: I was cocooned in chaos. When she gave birth to me she was taken away from me and sent to hospital for her illness. I was sent to live with my father’s sister. My father and his siblings were subjected to sexual abuse, which continued when I entered my new environment when my mother was released from her internment. I have not been physically molested, but witnessed first hand the monster in the acts of my father upon my sisters. Psychologically I have been.
I was a child without touch or a nurturing environment, left completely alone to find out the truth of “reality”. This horrific environment (home) was my womb cocoon continued into what we call the outside world. There, locked inside myself was the gift. Normality was instantly and continually questioned along with existence itself. The gift came with guides. We can call them the visitors, aliens, anything we desire. What is truly critical is what is learned. For the sake of relation let’s stick to the visitors and what they have taught me and continue to teach me: the unknown. And in my case can there be a better body to be in and to investigate the known then one in almost a constant state of panic? Panic attacks are another component of the gift.
The visitors have come to me in many forms: the Blue beings, Grays, Mantis, The man with the Top Hat (my teacher of chaos outside of time), Owls, Rattlesnakes, Whales, the black widow, Rabbit, Lizard, grunting black shadows, many other animal and insect forms and the Lion. Which brings me to the Sphinx and you.
I was born and raised in Los Angeles. Most of all my encounters happened to me in Studio City. I was young man then in my early twenties. The time between my childhood and early adulthood was phase of adapting to the outside world, the mundane world, enough that I may “function” without falling into destitution. But there was a calling back to me. The gift was blossoming in wondrous and beautiful ways. For the first time there was no fear. And while in the presence of the visitors there was unity and above all ecstasy. In their presence I was home. And between the visitors and myself there was no division. The lessons being taught to me were not easy and proved to be a vital test to my sanity. And what came with these difficult lessons was how the human brain works and what it is comprised of. The visitors were incessant that the metamorphoses continue on schedule.
I saw your book, communion, somewhere I can’t remember. There wasn’t a pull to get it, but there was something there that stayed in the background. It was years after first seeing the cover that I looked into the outside. Up until then, as most of my life is now, there has been no urge to seek outwardly for relations in regards to this matter. I am on my own pathless journey, as we all are to come home to truth. I started looking into UFO material on the Internet, partly due to my wife, who has also had her own encounters, to see what was out there. I came upon your book again, searched your name and found out you were speaking in Hollywood. You won’t remember but I was the young man in the back of the theatre when Q&A came at the end of your talk. I simply said with anxiety, “There will be an awakening.”

Shortly after I had an OBE (I love the vibratory state. It is an ecstatic state indeed.). I was moving very fast through a tunnel without a top with golden light and souls coming and going. I past you (the essence of you) and found myself hovering directly in front of the Sphinx. That is all I can remember. It had a profound impression on me. I feel us souls were going there to school. Being shown by the visitors that the Earth itself is our school it did not surprise me that there were classrooms that we go to learn about various things.
This leads me to the lizard, the rabbit and the lion:
One of my earliest experiences happened when I was around five years old. I was playing in the backyard of our house in Arcadia. I went to the tree set off in the back of the yard. There in the tree I saw a lizard fall from it, turning into a rabbit, and then into a lion. I followed the lion around what was now a high wall of some type of structure where the fence would have been. Then I heard in my head, “ I will eat you in the next heat” Again, in my early adulthood I had an OBE and relived the experience. The riddle has haunted me ever since. After the lion has spoken to me I ascended to the sky. I was placed in front of a panel of beings without form. They explained to me that I was given knowledge no human could come back to life to tell, but that I was the one they had chosen to do the work, to bring the message of truth to humankind. I have never felt entirely human. And in the presence of the visitors I feel I am home with my people.
“I will eat you in the next heat.” What does that mean? Until now, nearly 12 years after I heard again, I am beginning to put the pieces together. A key to understanding this riddle is related to another encounter I had as a child. I very often would suddenly stop whatever I was doing and go into a trance and look up at the sky. I would hear, again in my head, always telepathic, “The sky will open up. The invisible will become visible.” I always knew what this meant, given the visitors constantly had given me visions of what will take place when this happens. One of the things that will take place is an inversion. I have always been shown that there will be a shift of poles. Another thing shown to me is a mushroom cloud. I am beginning to think that the mushroom cloud is an actual nuclear blast, but the Sun is pronouncing itself more and more. When the sky opens up mankind is going to need to have the strength of the bull, the courage of the lion and the intelligence of what man has dormant inside the mystery of our brain. We are just smart now, but we are not intelligent yet. Our birth is coming and “The meek shall inherit the Earth.” The meek are you and I and all those who have been left vulnerable, like an beetle on it back running its legs to find the ground, to withstand the violent resistance of a brain that is ready to be exposed to its true intelligence. What the brain THINKS it knows is but an illusion. The unknown will render the brain useless and insanity will take the place of its present petty reasoning when the Visitors along with the whole Universe is revealed to us what we actually are and are not. And when this happens there is no going back to the illusory time-stream.
When living in Philadelphia in 2005 just before being drawn to Taos, NM. Three grays came to me. I was in panic and looked out the window from our bedroom and the second story of our home. I saw my human self look up at me in daylight (this was happening at night) looking as panicked as I felt. I suddenly turned into a praying mantis and jumped through the windowpane to go after myself. Then I found myself in a high-rise in what I knew to be New York City. The building started to sway back and forth and the people started screaming earthquake. I went to the window without awareness of my own form and saw that the entire city was floating upside down in the sky. I knew it was happening. I turned around and saw Grays putting what seemed like virtual reality mask on all of the people. This was to subdue them back into there mundane consciousness. I went over to one of the beings and ask if I could continue to do my work. The reply was simple, “Yes.” I said, “Physically?” Again simple reply, “Anyway you want.”
This scared me when the encounter ended. I knew what I have been shown is more alive and real than my waking state has ever provided me. And I realized that it was going to happen in my lifetime. Whether that is true or not is of no concern to me. For what the visitors have taught me most of all was to be present, to live completely in the now, and we are the “Aliens”.
There is no separation, divisions, all that indicate the opposite of that is an illusion. When the sky opens up and time ceases to be duality will vanish. That is why the good work that we are doing is so important. I too, Whitley am going through a change of being. Along with us are countless others, but the “meek” are the minority. And the meek shall inherit the Earth. And why we are being torn out of our cocoons with what seems like with violence is merely what is needed for us to be born before the great birth of Humankind begins.

I know this may be a bit difficult to follow, but isn’t this whole beautiful journey through up in the sky?

Take care, brother.
Continue the good work.

HI, Annie!

VonPat

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