Whitley's Journal

A Change of Being

I have not added a journal entry in months. The reason is that I have been at a loss about what to say. But I'm going to try, at least to put down a few paragraphs about what's been happening to me. Outwardly, I've been living my life, writing, working on this website, interacting with friends, all the usual things.

Inwardly, though, something has changed and is still changing. My difficulty is that it's so very hard to put into words. Also, as time goes on, I get more and more reticent. I don't think I'm becoming a hermit, but it's a struggle not to do what I have seen so many close encounter witnesses do, which is to turn entirely toward their experience and close the door on the outside world.

I love the outside world, and I think that I'm meant to be a worldwalker, which is why I have had so much experience lavished on me. I cannot say how grateful I am, or how hard it is to do this.

The enormous, overriding problem is language. Words, Sentences, the whole structure of the thing. It does not reflect the reality I'm experiencing, and I know that many of you who come to Unknowncountry because you have the same sorts of life experiences that I do will know exactly what I mean.

Anyway, I am going to try to chronicle a few things. First, I'd like to say something about life and death. They don't have the same meaning to me that they once did. Death isn't a mystery anymore, but rather I see it as another part of the art of being. What happens is this: during life, we take experience in. We are in an active state. After the life is finished, we enter a passive, or contemplative state. It's breath. Life is breathing in. Death is breathing out. Two sides of a triad: life is the active side, death the passive.

However, there is a third side to every triangle, and that's what the change of being that I'm experiencing is about. Active and passive energies are easy to perceive, but we are third force blind, and this is the essence of the human predicament.

So what is this 'third force' that is neither active nor passive but can create balance between the two? As there are an infinite number of triads, there are also an infinite number of manifestations of balance, most of them fleeing and essentially automatic, touched only briefly as we slip randomly between active and passive life states.

Being is larger than either the physical or the nonphysical state, but it bears reference to both and is infused in both. What has been happening to me is that I'm beginning to be in both states at the same time, which has been true for some time, but is true now in a much more clear way. It isn't that I am literally both alive and dead, but rather that I am living this life while remembering my past before I came to it, and knowing how I am unfolding now not only as I move along my physical timeline, but I am also seeing into the conscious world that suffuses and surrounds the physical, but is not contained by it.

The Sphinx is the key to understanding this state. It has the strength of a bull, the courage of a lion and the intelligence of a man. When the three parts work together--active courage and passive strength being balanced by neutral and harmonizing intelligence--then it spreads its wings and soars aloft like and eagle.

This feels like a state of objectivity. One looks down not only on what is transpiring in the active, living state, but also what waits in the passive state that we call death, but which is not death at all, and very far from the nothingness that we imagine and dread. In other words, there is a condition of being that transcends life and death. It is this that I am tasting now.

One thing that I find interesting about it--one of many--is that, as I enter deeply into the state, I seem to actually change physically. I can feel this, as if my body is becoming a kind of energy and is not entirely material. I was in such a state in March one evening while meditating. The sense of the presence of fourth mind was so palpable that I picked up my phone and snapped a picture of myself, just to see if the sensation that I felt around my head--as if I was materially both inside and outside myself at the same time--might be recordable. The picture above is the result.

More recently, in late May, I began to feel as if Anne and I were not alone in this place. There was somebody else here, whom we could not see. I have a small automatic camera, which I set up on the night of May 28. It was motion sensitive. I set it to take images in our bedroom, just above the bed so that our movements in sleep would not activate it.

The next morning, I not only discovered that it had gone off a number of times, I found that the clips contained what look like moving orbs or bits of dust, as if there was air moving in the room. But there wasn't. The windows were closed and it was absolutely still. Not only that, specks of dust wouldn't have activated the camera, but something certainly did. On prior nights, the camera took video only when one of us got up and moved around in the room.

Even stranger, the camera ceased to work after that. The battery was drained even though I'd charged it the night before, and it could never again be recharged. So all I was left with was the microdisk with the images on it. (Log in to see one of the videos. It's typical of the group.)

The next night, I had what I would describe as a moment of gnosis, in the form of a dream. In it, I found myself looking into a well. The water was perfectly clear, but the bottom of the well was covered in silt. Anne and I wanted something that was there, and were trying to locate it so we could drop a hook and bring it up.

The next thing I knew, the water went down and two horrific creatures appeared, looming up out of the well with their teeth bared. Anne was safe behind me, but I couldn't back away from them. They were going to devour me--and yet...not. They seemed soft and somehow unable to actually reach me.

I then woke up and saw three dark, blocky figures standing beside the bed. Of course, I was absolutely terrified, and thrust out my hand, slapping at them. The three of them at once disappeared, and I felt my hand slap against something soft, like a smooth bald head, which immediately slipped out of my grasp.

I experienced a powerful moment of knowing that has extended, and has become me.  I look, act and physically feel the same. But I am not the same.

What I want to leave you with is the idea that we should think of ourselves in terms of the overarching being that we actually are, not simply as a living body. We are here in the physical world inhaling the breath of experience. We are enacting life plans we have intentionally hidden from ourselves so that we will react to the experiences we have not out of our knowledge, but out of our deep personal truth. Thus, when we are in the contemplative state that we the living refer to as death, we will be observing our lives, and integrating the energy we have retained in the form of essence-memories into our larger selves.

I have seen a few other things. First, we are not a 'species' that evolved on Earth. We are the product of a very advanced science of our own devising, engaged in a deep practice of energy management, breathing experience in when we are in the flesh, then releasing the energy when we are not.

This place is not natural--or rather, our place in it is not natural. The human species is not only an outcome of natural selection, it has been interfered with and elements of design added. Specifically, we have done the interfering. We have created mankind as a mechanism of evolution. Ours has been a much longer journey than we realize.

We are an enormously complex, profoundly conscious and deeply lonely presence that emerges out of endlessness and slips away into the infinite. We are searching for freedom of a kind that is almost impossible to imagine--for ecstasy, in the end, that is absolutely pure and absolutely authentic--in short, that is perfectly true.

We are our own bright angels and our own dark gods. There is nobody here but us, but when I say that, you must release your imagination as best you are able, to glimpse from the vantage point of the physical, the poignant, searching immensity that is being.



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thank-you, as with all of your writings i will need to read and re-read over time. It started with Communion. It has always been a three part process - Initiation, assimilate and actualization. The last year the actualization has been harder, it has turned more into an emotional theme. (see i can't find the words, I need to feel the process with my emotions) the meditations have help me greatly.

One has to appreciate such a statement of vulnerability and the trust Whitley displays in even publishing. Thank you! For myself, since mid-March I've had a pervasive feeling of absurd wonder in everyday things. I used to be terribly serious. But I went through about 3 weeks where I re-read the Key several times along with the Tao te Ching and others, it it all finally merged with me. My co-workers' manners are like peeking over their shoulders at their diaries. Having to wait in line seems like we're in some ironic Rod Serling play, and I find myself telling truths with a joy that feels healing. Another thing--I also seem to losing track of time. I frequently violently insist that it's Wednesday when it's Thursday, and my camera loses about 22 minutes a week now. This summer feels like it's going on forever yet it also seems like I'm waiting. Why was I so serious about it all, about living?

Whitley,

First, I wish for you a certain amount of serenity that enables Joy that you can share with Anne during these experiences. I know for me that during these expansive events I also tend to move inward and have to remember I also signed up to be a husband and father and agreed to find joy in this commitment.

Second, you are a very courageous person. To allow yourself to let go of your identity in order to find your larger self can be very frightening. And, in itself, is a form of death.

Third, that picture, as stated by others, was unsettling at first. I'm used to your standard dapper picture.

The Stacker

"reticent" Excellent expression in one word that I can't get out of my head. For months my intuitiveness as been where I never thought it would be. Because of it, I dropped FaceBook, and all blogs I have been a member of since 2000; and to be honest, I don't miss the interactions. There's a newness going on. Those holding on to the old I see having the most difficult time.

Lovingly,
Stephen Tenace

Exactly !! haha, Thank you.

@ManyMansions. I got rid of Facebook in May, too. I'd be interested to know how many of us reading here are feeling the need to simplify and clear things up?

Wonderful post Whitley. Very thought provoking and familar...

I have learned to realize that Sages are born through tribulation of a heart tried by fire and tested by pain and Masters are born when the Sage has succumbed to his own recovery.
I think you are in the process of succumbing to your own recovery, Whitley.
I, like so many here, full well know of what you speak.
Welcome beyond the machine.

I think I'm caught in a different conundrum. I seem to be of the "mundane and boring" mass of humanity who have not been favored, if that's what it is, with the experiences of most of the posters. Yet at the same time strange to most of my fellow mundane-ites of the masses (perhaps viewed as profane people by some...rightly or wrongly, I do not know), not the least because of my interest in subjects like these and desire to move into knowing.

So I guess I'm not one of "you", yet neither quite fully one of "them" either. There are not many people I connect with on these matters, and those I do often have had experiences, and accept me perhaps more of their personal grace than because of any worthiness on my part. But then again, what IS worthy anyway? What constitutes worthiness?

Perhaps the problem is envy of sorts. Regardless of that, it's probably more just that it's lonely in the between place. In that sense maybe I do have a small hint.

I started out like you Tommy. However, somewhere along the line I discovered that I just took my experiences and abilities "for granted". Not thinking (or wanting) to be special, I never thought of myself as anything but ordinary (even tho I seemed to be a bit weird in other people's estimation). The more I learned about different "phenomenon" -- the more I thought "oh, so that's what that is" or "I do that" or "That's what they are talking about, that happened to me." A lot of times we are distracted by people's "interpretation" of events and/or phenomenon. As I began to see the structures of the kinds of events and phenomenon sans the experiencer's interpretation (which often became entwined with some kind of pedogogy), I began to see that I was, indeed, experiencing many of these same things.

ALL people are having experiences, it's just that most are not aware or will not acknowledge them.

A few years ago I attended a training event sponsored by a state agency which shall remain nameless. My counterparts (from various counties in our region) and I all were all asked to stand up and say a little about ourselves before the training began so that we could get to 'know' one another. Of course, each person stood up, each gave his/her name, mentioned their hobbies that all seemed to revolve around children and grandchildren, then sat down. Weary of years of this sort of thing in the workplace, and the mindless saying-what-one-is-expected-to-say at rah-rah, team building, training events, I stood up, gave my name, and just came out and said, "I talk to dead people. No big deal, anyone can do it. I also have two grown sons." Wow, did I feel free!

The state employee sponsoring the event pretty much sat there with her mouth wide-open, said, "That's interesting", then moved on to the next person. During the next few breaks of the day, many, many people approached me to tell their stories of their own experiences. It was wonderful, and it did not center around me, but the fact that they now felt free to be themselves and to truly relate on a deeply personal, human level. It was the only real team-building exercise during the whole session. Also, I heard some wonderful stories relayed by caring, loving people.

While that particular state agency was somewhat taken aback by my seemingly dubious announcement, they can't think I am too weird because they actually gave me a state-wide award last year for my work, one that has never been given previously. The scuttlebutt at the state agency may be that I am somewhat strange, but they were able to separate out my perceived weirdness from my actual quality of work.

The point is, we should all be our own authentic selves as much as possible. That is what Whitley has done. He has mentioned 'integrity' in the past and holding it close to us at all times. Integrity is not about good or bad, but about authenticity. The state of 'Being' for me is becoming more natural, although it is not with me 100% of the time. I feel different than 5 years ago in that my experiences no longer seem out-of-the-ordinary, but just another part of my being and part of my journey to total awareness, full consciousness, and true freedom.

Thank you for the good thoughts blue and Cosmic Librarian. Actually, synchronicity has been a pretty active thing in my life at times, but sometimes I forget about that stuff (or write it off as a derisive cosmic joke when my mood goes dark and old issues, resolved to a point but not entirely gone, come to the surface, as if God were like one of the children on the playground...ridiculous, I know, but some things insert themselves in a person in crazy ways). Neither being special nor being "normal" (placing premium importance on football games, beer, etc.) to fit in are particularly appealing to me. I guess it does come down to a genuinness, though it comes with a heavy price when it comes to some aspects of life, and can invoke much guilt when people are hurt by it. Even if I dress it up as a result of their reaction to it and not me, some of it's pretty heady stuff to deal with. But the day of disownment and guilt cometh, little question of that. Sometimes things just are. Yeah, I've been handed a few challenges. ;-)

Tommy, I have to second (or perhaps third?) Blue and CL's input here, in particular about our experiences being individual to each of us, and in that we can tend to take certain instances for granted after they become commonplace in our lives. Remember, there's no bonus points given to stories simply because they're weirder than others. ;)
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I was squirming over using "us" and "them" terminology when I was writing my earlier post here, since I hate divisiveness like that, but I had no other way to describe what's going on in the world--there's definitely some lines being drawn, but if you're here discussing it, that means you're not one of what I meant by "ordinary people": people who prefer to deny what's going on to themselves.
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Also, don't discount yourself simply because you enjoy football and beer. Your last post pretty much described everyone here... we're all in this world to be, first and foremost, human: to experience life, with all it's loves and lumps.
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"I can imagine no greater honor than to be called human." ;)

I agree with everything being said here as well. Everyone who is here has made a descision to understand, at some level, the material presented here. If you are not here, you aren't ready. Those who have made it here is because at some fundamental level, your soul has said it's ready. The material presented on this website is not easy. It takes dedication, patience and practice to get it. You are here because at some fundamental level, your soul has said it's ready. Personally, I didn't read The Key until 2006. Why, because I wasn't ready for it yet.
I don't know how many of you have friends or spouses that you have presented this material to and they just don't get it. The difference between "them" and "us" is that we have an underlying passion to be here and would like to understand. It comes down to intention. I think Whitley has put it very well in "The Path" in that we are all trapped on the wheel of life. Some of us are ready to get off.
One of the amazing things about being alive is our amazing diversity. We all think and learn differently. If we make a conscious effort to learn and make it our intention, the universe is going to provide the tools that each of us specifically need to develop and to grow. Depending upon where each one of us has been, we all need different lessons. Your soul will tell you when you are ready. There is no race, it is not a competition. I think that most of the readers of this website have relatively ordinary lives, it is just that we have become a little more aware of the much larger universe in which we all reside. Most people just filter it out, that's what our brains do very well. When we have glimpses into the larger universe, we share our experiences and I think this helps us to let one another know where we are and where we can go.
I think the uniqueness of this website can be understood by thinking of how difficult any of this would be if we were doing all this inner work that we do and having the experiences we have and there was no one else to talk to about it. Whitley and Anne, thank you for maintaining this website and offering so many resources for all of us who are on our journey.

Quantum.....Beautifully stated when you said.....

"I think the uniqueness of this website can be understood by thinking of how difficult any of this would be if we were doing all this inner work that we do and having the experiences we have and there was no one else to talk to about it. Whitley and Anne, THANK YOU for maintaining this website and offering so many resources for all of us who are on our journey."

Thank you Whitley and thank you all. This whole thing, article and exchange, has been insightful in a way I have yet to put my finger on fully, but insightful for real all the same.

Thank you as always Whitley for your courage, discriminating intelligence, and vulnerability. As a spiritual psychiatrist I have learned a great deal from you. Many many thanks.

Google the law of the triangle and you will get more info on what Whitley is talking about. Those pesky dark ones always showing up unexpected! Whitley just tell them your are busy come back later! Tee Hee Life, Light & Love ACE

I find most of the time I have no desire to interact with the Collective. Indeed I find the mindless prattling of the collective to painful to endure. My wife and I are in a zone of energy that negates contact with most other people, We crave and exercise our right to live in Solitude, for our piece of mind and Happiness.. We feel you Whitley....

Ah, Whitley, your prose makes my kundalini rise like no other.

A couple of pithy concepts attributed, I believe in the Gospel of Thomas, to the notorious Jesus of Nazareth: (1) To enter the "kingdom of heaven", you must MAKE THE TWO ONE. (2) And what is the kingdom of heaven? "A movement and a rest". Always the Yin and the Yang, but it is their dance that is the All. One two three!

And what was it Alan Watts said in The Wisdom of Insecurity?..."Only words and conventions can isolate us from the entirely undefinable something which is everything."
And then he went on to write a dozen or so more books!

"It's only mystery, and I like it....."

Ah, Whitley, your prose makes my kundalini rise like no other.

A couple of pithy concepts attributed, I believe in the Gospel of Thomas, to the notorious Jesus of Nazareth: (1) To enter the "kingdom of heaven", you must MAKE THE TWO ONE. (2) And what is the kingdom of heaven? "A movement and a rest". Always the Yin and the Yang, but it is their dance that is the All. One two three!

And what was it Alan Watts said in The Wisdom of Insecurity?..."Only words and conventions can isolate us from the entirely undefinable something which is everything."
And then he went on to write a dozen or so more books!

"It's only mystery, and I like it....."

Before I read your post, Whitley, I was fascinated by the photo. For a few seconds I thought you were going to write about Woody Allen! Even weeks later and having read your post the photo looks like Woody to me. I have no doubt that you reported your experience honestly - it is your personal and intellectual integrity that keep me reading your books as well as what you publish on this site. Over the years I have noticed a sort of symmetry between your life and your work both of which have teetered on the edge of wonder and terror. But there has also been much humour in both your work and your life and I can't help wondering if the image in the photo has something to do with embracing the possibilities of your humourous side. When Nelson de Mille published the first in the John Corey series and created a personal avatar for his irrepressible wit, his already vast readership increased hugely. Could Woody perhaps be a kind of alter-ego for your funny side trying to free you from some of the lingering aftereffects of 'heavier' experiences? I don't know, Whitley; just musing...

How can we use this powerful information to help people through catastrophic loss of loved ones, homelessness, and despair? This is not a rhetorical question, but one for a Worldwalker who has reached a level of ascended knowledge, that may be able to assist people in realizing a brighter reality.

Woody Allen? Well I remember Whitley writing about having a 'time slip' about one of his movies. He saw it listed in the newspaper and wanted to see it. When he checked again for times it was not there, only to reappear the next week in a later addition. Hope the facts are correct.
Oh here it is:

"Today: Reading the LA Times Calendar Section this morning, I saw an ad for the opening of the new Woody Allen film and said to Anne, ?great, the new Woody Allen picture has opened.? She laughed and said something about Larry David being so funny. Seconds later, I glanced down to find the times the film was playing. The ad was gone and the film isn?t opening for another week.
"Why isn?t it ever the stock market page??"
This is Starfire's reply

Read the original source: http://www.unknowncountry.com/insight/whitley-strieber-has-2-timeslips-e...

Why are you all assuming that there is a difference in degree of experience?
Experience, itself, is the total reality of being and to separate elements of experience by means of personal, localized experience is as absurd as claiming that the cells of the body are, somehow, inferior / superior to each other by virtue of location or function.
Mankind will never fully experience itself as long as it subdivides itself into parts ranked by artificial constructs such as personal awareness of supposed environs.

Ed, I don't think you read our posts very closely...

I'd like to comment on this statement of Whitley's:
"We are enacting life plans we have intentionally hidden from ourselves so that we will react to the experiences we have not out of our knowledge, but out of our deep personal truth. Thus, when we are in the contemplative state that we the living refer to as death, we will be observing our lives, and integrating the energy we have retained in the form of essence-memories into our larger selves.".
Any spiritual paradigm has to address why we are largely kept in the dark as to who we are, where we came from, where we're headed, and and what is going on. We're forced to live with limited understanding and unanswered questions and there must be some value in this. This state of unknowing and the limitations imposed on us by entering three dimensional space/time, must be conducive to our growth. Rather than choose to see ourselves as fallen creatures, banished to the material plane, I suspect that we have all voluntarily engaged in a heroic journey to enter the material plane with all it's limitations in order to grow and evolve. Perhaps this is how God evolves, by separating off parts of him/her self and then reuniting them into some greater union. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis. Imagine the decision our greater self must have made in deciding to enter a human life: "I am going to cast myself into a finite corporeal creature, forget my connection to the godhead, and live from the vantage point of a material creature that is largely unaware of the full nature of reality." Truly, a heroic decision we have all made to enter the school of life on planet earth.

So this Star isn't truly lost? ;)

Anyone who is truly aware knows that we are all "lost stars." Lost in the sense that we have entered this life in a state of unknowing -- unaware of where we came from or where we will be after death. Stars in the sense that our true/higher self is much greater than the limited self we ordinarily experience.

That's my point. You keep describing preceisely (and accurately) where you are. In my book, that doesn't count as lost. ;)

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