Humans are basically tool users. That's what separates us
from other primates (although chimps use twigs to dig for
termites). Neurologists have discovered that that SAME
PLACE in the brain lights up when males visualize either tools
or attractive females! There's a message here for women:
Don't ever get between a guy and his tools (don't force him
to CHOOSE)!
I recently got a nice card from my favorite 2-year-old,
who "signed" his card by putting his BEST stickers on it:
pictures of shovels, hammers, dump trucks, etc. I've been
around males long enough by now to know what a compliment
this was.
Males are a mystery to those of us with XX chromosomes.
First of all, there's the obsession with cars. Now, I like a nice,
speedy convertible (and have owned several), but I'm not
IDENTIFIED with my car the way men seem to be. Once we
traded in our sports car for a hybrid, my husband's
personality changed as well. Instead of cutting other cars off
on the highway, he now complains mightily when someone
does it to him and obsessively calculates how much mileage
he's getting on a gallon of gas.
Most social events now separate smokers and non-smokers
by kicking the smokers outdoors. I predict that the same
thing will soon by done to drivers of hybrid cars, who get so
BORING when they compare driving techniques that decrease
their gasoline usage. In the name of good conversation, we
need to banish these folks too (at least until they get it out
of their system, which seems to take about 45 minutes).
Then there is Male Selective Deafness Syndrome (MSDS). My
husband was actually diagnosed with this by a hearing
specialist once. It basically means that a man somehow can't
hear a female voice, especially when it's asking him to do
something. This is a problem, since I notice that the voice on
most automobile G.P.S. guidance systems is female. I've
ALSO noticed that half the time Whitley doesn't pay any
attention to this pleasant, cajoling voice, despite having
obsessively programmed our destination into the G.P.S.
computer. Our last G.P.S. (the one in the sports car) also
demanded to know the ZIP CODE of the place we were going
to (now THAT G.P.S. was a Virgo! It takes one to recognize
another one).
It turns out that MSDS is also present in male gorillas,
meaning that the females have to clap their hands to get
their attention when they want them to take out the garbage
(I find a sharp whistle works well too). MSDS is in male
primate DNA, and we gals just don't stand a chance of being
heard.
Speaking of "tools," I'm also amused by how often men tend
to "flash," despite the fact that they have so much more
to "show." I always have to remind Whitley to get dressed
before he opens the blinds in the morning, lest he shock the
sweet little old lady living across the way. There's an amusing
image going around the internet that shows a photo of a
beautifully set table that its owner put up for sale on the
internet. The problem is, as he took a photo of it, his own
image shows up on the mirror that's mounted on the wall
behind the table, and he doesn't have a stitch of clothes on.
He apparently didn't notice this before posting it on a popular
internet sales website.
I think this harks back to the fact that it was Eve who first
ate that apple in the Garden of Eden. As Genesis 3
says, "Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they
realized they were naked." Maybe Adam only took a bite,
then Eve finished it off (no woman ever wastes food, which
can lead to the creation of some strange concoctions when
there are lots of leftovers in the refrigerator).
One of the secrets about a long marriage that your Mom
didn't tell you is that all middle-aged men get grumpy. There
were a series of films a few years ago called "Grumpy Old
Men," but I remember thinking they should be titled "Grumpy
Middle-Aged Men" instead (although I suspect that old men
are grumpy too).
If your mate is a male who gets too grouchy, buy him a new
socket wrench. I don't really understand what the heck it's
used for but believe me, it does the trick every time.
Related Entries:
10-Nov-2009: On NOT Going to a Movie about UFOs
20-Oct-2009: The Laughing Buddha
11-Oct-2009: The Red Coat
22-Sep-2009: Four Days
07-Sep-2009: Portents, Synchronicities (and Coincidences?)
27-Aug-2009: Two Birthdays
12-Aug-2009: Held Hostage by Hummingbirds
05-Aug-2009: The Irish Milkmen of the Dog World
27-Jul-2009: Two Surprising Events
29-Jun-2009: Trickster Coyote
